On Cat Calling And Male Entitlement

Got whistled at and cat called out of a van today. Happens quite a lot. Usually I just flip them the bird and yell fuck off as they go past, but today was different.

Today the van was keeping a walking pace with me because of slow traffic.

And that made me feel more vulnerable.

I hated that feeling of vulnerability. Hated the idea that these two asshole men would get more of a chance to try to engage me. That short of stopping or going a different way, I had no escape.

I wasn't going to do either of these things as fuck it, I shout the fuck back, so I girded my loins and kept going.

So here's how it went down.

First, the wolf whistle. Which I ignored. I'm not a fucking dog. I do not come when called.

Then the 'oi! Darling! Come here!'. Oh yes, you fuckwad, that is going to work. I'm a veritable puddle of vaginal moisture at being shouted at like a thing. Move over in your van so I can get in and run away with you and have all of teh sexeh timez.

That got a disdainful look and a calm fuck off from me.

Then, inevitably, the abuse started. Apparently my reluctance to engage in dialogue with this epitome of genteel good manners means I am a bitch. From darling to bitch in five seconds and all because I don't respond well to being ordered about by strangers.

Then, in a moment of lucidity, the driver says 'look mate, she's wearing a ring. Off limits.'

I was fucking furious on so many levels. Most of them to do with male entitlement.

Firstly, how dare they think it ok to whistle at me like I'm a THING? But that's ok, I'm just a woman. The fact that I ignored it so was obviously not comfortable in being directly in the male gaze with no route of escape mattered not to them. They were entitled to my attention. They demanded it. And wouldn't take no for an answer.

How dare they then order me to talk to them? To act as if I had no independent agency. And to expect me to comply, and when I didn't, to call me a bitch. A bitch for not playing into their entitled fucking hands.

And to then let me go because I wear a ring? How fucking entitled do you have to FEEL to goad me and insult me even when I am making it more than clear that I am not interested then stop because of your perception that I BELONG TO ANOTHER MAN?!?

How dehumanised are women to you?

So, men in the van, be very pleased that the lights changed at that point and you could drive off. It meant that your van didn't get a Deeva shaped foot print in the side while I screamed at you. I hope you at least heard that, though I doubt that you did over your laughter.

And fuck you. Fuck you very much. It is NOT a compliment. It does NOT just happen to the 'pretty' ones. It is unwelcome, unwanted, unwarranted and leaves me unwavering in my fight against male entitlement.