On Being More Than An Incubator

I'm getting on a bit.

I'm 43 and my kids are of an age to have children of their own. None of them have expressed an interest in doing so, but they are, well, old enough.

I got asked the other day about my kids, their ages, genders, plans to procreate. I replied that I have 3 kids of varying ages and genders and that none of them seem interested in children.

Apparently, this is a 'shame'. Not for the boys, but for my daughter person. The head tip, the pitying look, the reassurance that she'll change her mind in time. The insistence that being a grandparent is the most rewarding thing you can do.

Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Face.

Firstly, why is it not a 'shame' that my boys aren't bothered? Ah yes, because boys. Because women are merely producers of children. It is abnormal if a woman doesn't want children isn't it? Dangerous thinking.

Women making their own choices about what they want with their lives? What are we to do? Where will it all end?

WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?

You know what? Maybe the daughter person will change their mind. Maybe they won't.

But why is no one saying this about my boys? Why is it that they can only think that women must want children otherwise what is she for? Why 'she might change her mind' and not 'they might change their minds'? Men can not want children and nobody bats an eyelid. A woman? There must be something wrong with her if she doesn't want to reproduce.

UGH.

But here is the thing. It will be their choice. If I have grandchildren, great. If I don't, then also great. I value my kids as more than baby producers. I value them for the people they are now, not for the progeny they may produce.

I love them for the human beings they are, for their intellect, for their huge capacity for love. In their own right.

Women, you are more than an incubator. If you decide to have children I support you. If you choose to be child free (not child less) then I support you.

Men. You get off easy on this. Again.

Patriarchy innit.